Loving Two People At Once: It’s Complicated
Hello dear readers. The last few days have been crazy busy around my house. The reasons involve such things as the stomach flu, my daughter’s big dance recital, my son’s first real gig with his band, and other miscellaneous happenings like lost health cards, and rashes acquired from being in Jamaica – trips are not ALWAYS good LOL.
Also, I am just putting the finishing touches on my “Rico” story – and yeah, I know I keep saying that, but this time it’s the truth. I should have it ready for your Saturday reading pleasure, unless someone breaks a leg or something (knock on wood).
For today, I thought I’d post a link to an article that I just wrote for Elephant Journal. It took a lot of guts for me to put it down on paper (or type into my keyboard, as it were), but I recently read that writers should write about stuff that makes them uncomfortable because that’s what people will want to read. And since I preach this type of thinking daily with regard to fitness, I figured I’d better put up or shut up.
So without further ado, here it is. Click on the link and it will take you to Elephant Journal.
Love Squared: Giving My Heart To Two Men
In writing this article, I was inspired by the movie Take This Waltz which was written and directed by fellow Canadian Sarah Polley. I love her work.
Please comment (here, but better on Elephant Journal). Repost. Tweet. Facebook it. Do what you can. It’ll help with my Google ranking. And who doesn’t want a great Google ranking? That and a new pair of leopard pumps would do it for me. 
Have a great day!
Related articles:
Are You In Love With Two People?
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I tried to post this on Elephant Journal (I’m all about improving the Google rating of friends!), but I don’t think it worked, but I wanted to share my thoughts with you (because I know you are all about though-sharing!)
I’ve often wondered if we could just take the jealousy out of the equation and give “permission” to/get “permission” from our spouses to explore other avenues (and, let’s face it, we’d both probably come back) if we all wouldn’t be a whole lot healthier. I had a sociology professor once who, quoting the divorce rates (1 in 3!) posited that the divorce rates would probably be lower if sex with someone other than our partners was socially acceptable. I think he was right. I would think that many of us (men and women) aren’t necessarily unhappy with our spouses, but long stretches with the same man/woman can get boring (no matter how many costumes one wears — oops! didn’t mean to share that!). And, let’s face it, just because you want to have sex with someone doesn’t mean you want them in your life forever. I slept with a few guys back in the day who I knew I wouldn’t end up with for the long haul, but that didn’t keep me from enjoying the moment. I think the same thinking applies at any age.
Of course, this whole “permission” thing works in theory, but I wouldn’t want to practice it. I have told my husband on more than one occasion that if he feels the overwhelming need to sleep with someone else, that’s fine. Do it. But, I don’t want him spending HIS TIME with her or OUR MONEY on her. In other words, I don’t want it to negatively impact my life. And certainly he should use a condom because I don’t want someone else’s genital warts and he couldn’t afford another child. Also, I don’t want him unburdening himself at the expense of hurting me. (Unless he feels it’s going to help our relationship, I don’t want or need full disclosure — don’t tell me to be hurtful). I don’t know if he has ever sought sex outside of our marriage and I really don’t care. Because if he has, he has, thus far, followed the rules.
To summarize: Ignorance is bliss, give STDs a miss.
I’m looking forward to reading the comments on this post (and reading the actual Elephant post, but perhaps not at work, if my hunch is correct…).
You can read it at work. It’s a thoughtful essay (what else would you expect from your fellow Canadian?). Don’t hunch too much. It’s bad for the shoulders!
Really, I shouldn’t even be doing THIS at work!
Hunchamatic.
So true java about the hunching!
Ross, sit up straight.
tried to leave a msg over on the publication but i had loginerrors and got frustrated, so I’ll leave it here 4 you.
Wow, raw and soul searching. I really admire how you approached this subject. I have not had this happen during this marriage, but I can admit to it for the previous one, and learned great lessons. Hubs and I have a policy of full disclosure so I also would tell him, I tell him everything. Very proud to call you my friend!
Love you Seashells! xo
Great post and made sure to comment on the Elephant Jounal.
Thanks so much for your comments. Much appreciated. Mwah – that’s like a big kiss!
This post is nothing short of brilliant. The vulnerability and bravery it took to talk to your husband about how you felt was breathtakingly inspiring. As a person who values honesty and integrity in any relationship very highly, I commend you for upholding your own truth while valuing those closest to you by remaining true to them, and honoring their feelings.
That’s a really wordy way of saying thank you for loving your husband enough to not lie to him, put him first in your heart, and also not lie to yourself, and squash your own feelings.
I’ve been the other person outside of the marriage in this situation. It’s never pretty. I’ve learned never judge something from the outside looking in, because what looks perfect from a distance always has flaws upon close inspection.
Of all the people I know, I knew you would get this, or at least be open to hearing it! xo
And yeah, nothing is ever perfect.
You said it best when you said in regards to the grass not always being greener, “eventually, I would find some weeds”. Too true.
You are awesome xoxo
Very honest. Well done.
Thanks Ross!
I love her more for being able to honestly share with me something that is so difficult. Not saying that it was or is easy, but not everything that is worth something is.
My rock.