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Beyonce IS The Iluminati – I’m Sure Of It, I Think

Thanks to the Super Bowl, the word is out – Beyonce is DEFINITELY part of the Illuminati.

For those of you who don’t know, the Illuminati refers to a group of freethinkers who got together back in 1776. In today’s context, “Illuminati” takes on a much darker meaning. It is a supposed conspiratorial organization led by the devil whose purpose is to establish a “New World Order”, and to mastermind events and control world affairs through governments, corporations, and the music industry. Why they haven’t taken over Walmart is beyond me. Or maybe they have, and that’s just a less publicized facet of their dictatorship. Then again, I have seen that book People Of Walmart, and it’s scary as hell.

My daughter is convinced this is true. Yep, she’s watched the videos about it, which she’s explained (in mind boggling detail) to both my husband and I. My daughter can be very convincing. She usually gets me to make her bed without me even knowing.

And Beyonce? Signs that she is part of this cult are definitely there…

Classic Illuminati symbols - eye inside the pyramid.

Classic Illuminati symbols – eye inside the pyramid. Source: kevinglimour.net.

Beyonce doing the pyramid symbol.

Beyonce doing the pyramid symbol at the Super Bowl. Source: sports.yahoo.com.

Why else would she wear a black (because it’s slimming) leather or faux-leather (because it makes you look like a total hottie) outfit for her Super Bowl performance?

Why did Whitney Houston die (drug addict)? Was it because she was a sacrifice to the Illuminati so that Beyonce’s baby girl – little “Blue Ivy” – could live?

Why did Beyonce name her baby “Blue Ivy” in the first place (because she’s a celebrity, and they name their kids weird shit like that)? “Blue Ivy” spelled backwards is Yvieulb – which in some ancient language that no one’s ever heard of means “devil”.

Why is Christina Aguilera on the hit show The Voice (she’s a bit of a diva, and not always in a good way)? Better question, how did The Voice ever get to BE a hit show? I guess, if Honey Boo Boo can do it…

[the tides are turning...watch how this works]

Why does my stove keep turning itself on (because my daughter is forgetful)?

Why does my husband call himself “Rain Man” (because his last name sounds very close to that)?  Strange.

Why does my daughter act like the devil sometimes (she’s a teenage girl)?

Why do I have FOUR cats? Count ‘em – four (because I have the potential to be a certifiable “crazy cat lady”, or at least my husband says I do). Not three, or two, but four? Four is the devil’s FOURTH favourite number (oooohhhh, aaaahhhhhh), next to 666, and 69, and 9762.

Why do I have the numbers 666 in my Social Insurance number AND on my palm (because one just is, and the other I wrote there with a permanent black marker)?

You want conspiracy theory, I’ll give you conspiracy theory. I didn’t want to tell you guys this, but the signs are pretty clear, and it was sure to come out someday…

Yes, I am part of the Illuminati as well. Actually, I am the head illuminator – the devil herself.

666

The devil’s hand…with callouses…because I lift weights and I don’t wear gloves. Minion in background.

As further proof (because I know there will be doubters out there), I also have a leather dress (better than Beyonce’s) that ties up the back, and I have a pair of thigh-high suede boots. Beyonce just wore booties. Phhhftttt…

I plan to take over the world.

Anyway, I guess that’s it. I’m off to the grocery store to buy some broccoli and humous. I eat that stuff like it’s going out of style.

__________________________________

For more sports’ commentary filled with sarcasm and over-exemplified life lessons, you can read my take on Super Bowl Sunday which is slyly called 9 Life Lessons From The Super Bowl Sidelines. I can find ridiculous (and sometimes serious) meaning in anything.

  1. February 5, 2013 at 8:32 pm | #1

    Ah, finally! The answers to the questions everyone is asking. So glad we can now put some faces to the Illuminati; it was pretty anonymous there for awhile. I’m jealous of the thigh-high boots. Seriously. Though I’ve no idea where I would ever wear them. I have got you beat for the title “crazy cat lady”. When the 4th one came into the house, there was an informal straw poll. My family concluded I’d finally crossed over to the other side. It is really nice over here. :)

    • February 5, 2013 at 10:48 pm | #2

      Actually, I think my family has come to that conclusion as well. And the thigh high boots, well let’s just say they don’t get worn very often. ;)

  2. February 5, 2013 at 8:48 pm | #3

    Are you wearing that outfit to buy your Kashi? I double dog dare you. When are we going shopping? And watch how much of those carbs you eat…just sayin’

    • February 5, 2013 at 10:51 pm | #4

      No the outfit did not go to Loblaws LOL. But the shopping..

      I did some pre-shopping shopping with my daughter. Didn’t get to try anything on because she was “hungry” but now I know where to go. I am going to see if my husband can come too to take pictures. I will have to go either Wed or Thursday after dinner then. Can you do either of those times? I’m thinking 7 my time. I’ll try to be at the shop by then so we can just try them on together and then pick one. What do you think?

      • February 5, 2013 at 10:56 pm | #5

        Either time works for me. Is your hubs discerning or is he like mine and says everything looks great cos he’s afraid to comment? PS I bet an apple pie your daughter wouldn’t have said she was hungry if the shopping was for her, right?

      • February 5, 2013 at 11:01 pm | #6

        You got that right – on both the husband and the daughter count, LOL. I’ll check to see what night works better for my husband, and I’ll let you know either tonight or tomorrow morning. :)

  3. kipkoech moses
    February 5, 2013 at 9:05 pm | #7

    always hear iluminati asa source of wealth,facts or fiction?

    • February 5, 2013 at 10:53 pm | #8

      It does seem that those who are supposedly “involved” have a lot of money. Not sure how it all works. Even as their leader LOL.

  4. February 5, 2013 at 9:12 pm | #9

    People of Wal Mart is the true sign that something is amiss.

  5. February 5, 2013 at 9:14 pm | #11

    where does money come from?

  6. February 6, 2013 at 1:47 am | #12

    Going out to buy Kashi? Or is it Ka$ha…
    http://rossmurray1.wordpress.com/2012/12/13/wisdom/kasha/
    Coincidence? I think not.

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