Beyonce IS The Iluminati – I’m Sure Of It, I Think
Thanks to the Super Bowl, the word is out – Beyonce is DEFINITELY part of the Illuminati.
For those of you who don’t know, the Illuminati refers to a group of freethinkers who got together back in 1776. In today’s context, “Illuminati” takes on a much darker meaning. It is a supposed conspiratorial organization led by the devil whose purpose is to establish a “New World Order”, and to mastermind events and control world affairs through governments, corporations, and the music industry. Why they haven’t taken over Walmart is beyond me. Or maybe they have, and that’s just a less publicized facet of their dictatorship. Then again, I have seen that book People Of Walmart, and it’s scary as hell.
My daughter is convinced this is true. Yep, she’s watched the videos about it, which she’s explained (in mind boggling detail) to both my husband and I. My daughter can be very convincing. She usually gets me to make her bed without me even knowing.
And Beyonce? Signs that she is part of this cult are definitely there…
Why else would she wear a black (because it’s slimming) leather or faux-leather (because it makes you look like a total hottie) outfit for her Super Bowl performance?
Why did Whitney Houston die (drug addict)? Was it because she was a sacrifice to the Illuminati so that Beyonce’s baby girl – little “Blue Ivy” – could live?
Why did Beyonce name her baby “Blue Ivy” in the first place (because she’s a celebrity, and they name their kids weird shit like that)? “Blue Ivy” spelled backwards is Yvieulb – which in some ancient language that no one’s ever heard of means “devil”.
Why is Christina Aguilera on the hit show The Voice (she’s a bit of a diva, and not always in a good way)? Better question, how did The Voice ever get to BE a hit show? I guess, if Honey Boo Boo can do it…
[the tides are turning...watch how this works]
Why does my stove keep turning itself on (because my daughter is forgetful)?
Why does my husband call himself “Rain Man” (because his last name sounds very close to that)? Strange.
Why does my daughter act like the devil sometimes (she’s a teenage girl)?
Why do I have FOUR cats? Count ‘em – four (because I have the potential to be a certifiable “crazy cat lady”, or at least my husband says I do). Not three, or two, but four? Four is the devil’s FOURTH favourite number (oooohhhh, aaaahhhhhh), next to 666, and 69, and 9762.
Why do I have the numbers 666 in my Social Insurance number AND on my palm (because one just is, and the other I wrote there with a permanent black marker)?
You want conspiracy theory, I’ll give you conspiracy theory. I didn’t want to tell you guys this, but the signs are pretty clear, and it was sure to come out someday…
Yes, I am part of the Illuminati as well. Actually, I am the head illuminator – the devil herself.
As further proof (because I know there will be doubters out there), I also have a leather dress (better than Beyonce’s) that ties up the back, and I have a pair of thigh-high suede boots. Beyonce just wore booties. Phhhftttt…
I plan to take over the world.
Anyway, I guess that’s it. I’m off to the grocery store to buy some broccoli and humous. I eat that stuff like it’s going out of style.
For more sports’ commentary filled with sarcasm and over-exemplified life lessons, you can read my take on Super Bowl Sunday which is slyly called 9 Life Lessons From The Super Bowl Sidelines. I can find ridiculous (and sometimes serious) meaning in anything.