When Frat Boys Do Lawn Maintenance, They Wear Neon Yellow
Sometimes, stereotypes are true – let me say that first.
Since my younger son only works evenings at a local club here in town doing fun stuff like hosting trivia nights and dancing on the bar with his shirt off (for actual money), I’ve enlisted him to do chores around the house during the day. Somebody has to do them. Besides, I pay him in steak.
The other day, he steam-cleaned the carpet in the basement. Yesterday, he cut the grass, swept out the garage, and went grocery shopping.
I love having my own personal assistant, though because he’s never done much in the way of physical labour, he doesn’t always know what he is doing. Admittedly, it can be quite entertaining to watch.
To make sure it was done right, when he went out to mow the lawn, I warned, “Be careful around the gardens.” I could just imagine the slicing.
It’s a good thing we only have a push mower and very little grass, because – as predicted – he started getting rambunctious. And then he started getting sweaty. “Oh my God, my clothes are getting wrecked.”
“Well, maybe if you didn’t wear your good shorts to do this, it wouldn’t matter. And take your time. Don’t kill my plants.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” he muttered, maiming my brand new smoke bush.
“You are not very good at this,” said his friend James. They were supposed to be doing it together. My son was going to mow. James was going to rake. And they were both going to turn the mulch around the euonymus. Just so you know, our yard is about as big as a postage stamp. Still, it took TWO frat boys to contend with the jungle that abounds.
Hearing James’ statement, my son stopped. “I may not know what I’m doing, but I look damn good doing it,” he proclaimed. Then he flexed. I gagged. Oh, the acumen of a twenty-year-old, wanna-be underwear model. What kind of monster have I created?
“Just finish the job,” I barked, heading back inside. I couldn’t take anymore. “Oh, and when you’re done, empty out the liquid that’s at the bottom of the compost bucket.” I made sure to peek out the window to witness that spectacle, and what a sight it was. I think my son even got some of the putrid water on his leg. Priceless.