It’s My Birthday, And I’ll Buy Shoes If I Want To
I already did. These ones, in fact.
Yes, I love shoes, but in my constant effort to streamline my life, when I bought these, I was seriously trying to be practical. I picked a pair that I will wear all the time, and that will last for years. They weren’t cheap, but like I said about my couch, “Shut up husband, you have to spend a little more if you want quality shit.”
And no, I won’t be trudging through three feet of snow in them. That’s what my Sorels are for, silly. But I will probably use them every day in the fall and early winter. But not in the spring. These are NOT spring shoes. They have furry stuff inside. Don’t get confused.
As for me buying my own gift, I’m sorry, but it was fucking necessary. It’s my birthday. I’ll swear if I want to as well. Moreover, if I left this endeavor up to my family, I’d get a pack of lined paper or some staples or something. What? I use a laptop, you doorknobs.
Of course, my husband says I need another pair of shoes like I need a hole in the head. That’s what I say about his motorcycles (plural). And I can’t “fall off my shoes and break my neck, leaving my wife to have to wipe my ass for the rest of my life”. Well, I guess I could, if I was really uncoordinated. Thank goodness I’m not. Besides, these don’t even have heels.
“Ah, but birthdays aren’t just about presents,” you say indignantly.
Listen, I smashed my leg on my bed frame twice this morning before even getting out of my room. Give me a break.
But you’re right. Birthdays are about family, and spending time doing the things you love to do. So saying, I’ll be going out for lunch with my parents, exercising with my friends at the YMCA, hitting a few thrift stores around town, hanging out with my children – praying that they don’t argue constantly, because that’s what they tend to do on important days such as this – and getting a new sticker for the license plate on my car. Thank you to the government of Ontario for sending me that little birthday reminder in the mail. It was very sweet.
What I WON’T be doing however, is seeing my husband. He is busy preparing his “hooch” for tonight, poor guy who signed himself up for the military even though he’s already a surgeon and has absolutely no time to fit anything else into his busy schedule. No, I’m not bitter. OK, maybe a little. Anyway, I’ll get to that story tomorrow.
Huge props and endless applause though goes to whoever thought to buy those fantastic shoes as my birthday gift. She must be a freakishly smart and very intuitive person. If I didn’t have them, what would I be wearing on my feet today? And don’t say old shoes. It’s my bloody birthday, for crying out loud.
I also want cake. And I want to watch my son sing on local television. That’s just about to happen.
Everybody, I hope you all enjoy my birthday as much as I will. And don’t worry, I’ll eat a huge piece of carrot and cream cheese deliciousness for you. You’re welcome.
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