“How many friends do you have on Facebook?” It’s my twenty-year-old son asking me this. His questions are generally meant to make me look bad.
Can you do a one-armed handstand? Do you know how to do the wop? How many boyfriends did you have in high school? None? Loser. Stuff like that.
I haven’t answered the Facebook question yet. I’m trying to think. In the end, I have to look it up. “Two hundred and twenty-five,” I say. To me, that’s a lot. It’s not like I have four.
“You added some of them, right?”
“Of course. Who gets all of their friends without adding any?”
“Our cat, that’s who. Archie has eighty-two friends, and he didn’t add ANY of his. They all added him.”
Yes, our cat has his own Facebook account, which – as reported by my all-knowing children – is more common than you might think. According to his information, Archie’s even in a “domestic partnership” with some woman named Ruby Rose. Plus, he’s interested in both women AND men. When he has the time for that, I’ll never know. And this is his current profile picture.
“Awesome,” I say to my son about the cat not having to add a single friend on Facebook. See what I mean about his quest to make me look bad?
And then he turns the screws in a little tighter. “I have thirteen hundred friends, and I didn’t add very many of mine either.”
I give up. “OK, well you and Archie and probably the rest of the world are all Facebook superstars, and I’m just a complete and utter Facebook loser.”
“You said it, not me.” He shrugged his shoulders, and went back to watching inane videos on Youtube.
Some day I’m going to get that boy.
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