Living In Canada: It WILL Get Cold, You Can Bank On That
Except if you live in Vancouver. Then you’ll probably just get rain.
Here in beautiful Ottawa Ontario though, it goes from flip-flop weather to “get me my fucking parka” in a matter of weeks, and sadly, it’s happened yet again. I know it doesn’t say so on the calendar, but make no mistake – winter HAS arrived.
As it is the unfortunate fact that I am one of those people who is – how shall we say – “averse to the hell that comes with snowy conditions”, doesn’t it totally make sense that I should be moving south? Like to Jamaica. Or Florida. The problem is I’m not willing to take the chance on getting shitty healthcare. What would I do if I stepped on a rusty nail? I don’t want to get lockjaw. I guess I’m stuck here in Canada then. That doesn’t mean I can’t take vacations though – lots and lots of vacations.
In other news, 850 metres is the length of the world’s longest beaver damn, and the length of my husband’s penis if you made it four thousand times bigger. He’ll hate that I said that.
Also, 80.5% of Canadian homes have internet – mine being one of them obviously, or I wouldn’t be blogging every day. I’d have to go to the library to do it, and I don’t think the people there would appreciate seeing my in my horse pajamas.
And finally, did you know that in 2012, there were only nine countries in the world deemed less corrupt than Canada? That’s because we are fairly awesome. And modest. And cold. Cold and modest and fairly awesome. And no, the U.S. wasn’t one of those exceedingly friendly and advanced places that beat us. That cuts Florida off my “must rent a condo there for six months but I should always have a ticket to fly home prepaid in case medical treatment is required” list. Now Singapore, that’s where I need to go.
Have a great Saturday!