My Husband, The Reluctant Hero
My husband loves science fiction novels, especially ones where the main character is a “reluctant hero” kind of guy.
Some of his favourite authors include Robert Jordan, George R.R. Martin (of Game Of Thrones fame), and Steven Erikson. I like Thea Divine. She wrote Bad As She Wants To Be, Ecstasy’s Hostage, and many, many more. We have “my taste in books is better than yours” arguments sometimes. As you can probably tell from the titles, I usually win.
Secretly, I think my husband dreams of being a character in one of these novels. I’m talking about HIS novels for the moment. He’d love to be a character in one of MY novels, obviously. That only happens once a month or so, when I’m ovulating. Anyway, the other day, he got his chance, but not in the context you might think.
You see, somebody has been messing with our internet. We don’t know if our signal is getting eclipsed by the neighbours or what. Whatever the case, it hasn’t been working properly.
“OK, who screwing with my stuff?” asked my husband, only he wasn’t that nice about it. He used the “f” word and the “sh” word. Nobody interferes with his computer business and gets away with it. It takes top priority – over me, over the kids, even over his car. If you knew how my husband feels about his car – it’s kind of like me and my cats – you’d know it was a big deal.
He spent a few hours setting and resetting the modem, and doing other stuff that I – as a luddite – know absolutely nothing about. He could’ve been calling the queen, for all I care. Nothing seemed to work.
“That’s it,” he said, walking very tall and broad-shouldered out of the kitchen. “I just wanted to watch my Youtube videos, and do my email. I didn’t want to have to resort this…”
And off to the electronics store he went…on horseback, wearing a coat made of pelts, staff, spear, rifle, knife – or whatever the heck those sci-fi characters carry – in hand. He voyaged across the “Dark Continent” (Walmart’s parking lot), over the snow-covered “Hills of Valor” (the “snow” part is true, the “valor” part, not so much). He took treasure from the “Children of the Light” (some kid and his brother selling chocolate bars outside of Future Shop), slayed a few dragons, and loved a bunch of random but very wanton slatterns. He came back about half an hour later.
“It’s done.” That’s all he said, and then he showed me this.
It’s Apple’s Airport Extreme router. It maximizes the internet connection and sextuples the Wi-Fi speed (or something like that) for everyone in North America, half the people in China, and NASA. And for our house, of course.
Thank goodness. All is right with the world again, and we can get back to cruising and creeping people on Facebook. Oh happy day.