I Think My Husband Is Having Another Midlife Crisis

My husband does some interesting things sometimes. A few weeks ago, his cockamamie scheme was to grow a grapefruit tree from a seed. He took an old cookie tin, threw in some potting soil, and planted the seed that came from a grapefruit that came in a mesh bag that came with a group of other grapefruits that came from Costco.

“Ummm, why are you doing that?” Apparently, I ask a LOT of questions. That’s what a wife is for, isn’t it?

“I want to see if it will work,” he said. He is definitely a scientist at heart. Why he doesn’t grow something a little more normal, like say a tomato plant, or even something like mint or basil is beyond me. I feel like it’ll be about twenty years before we see a single grapefruit grow on that thing.

But then maybe that’s the point. Maybe this is the man-version of a midlife crisis – the kind that doesn’t involve buying a motorcycle (he has two of those), purchasing a sports car (he has that as well), or sleeping with his secretary (I know Angela – she’d tell him to get lost).

Maybe, unlike a woman who yearns to have just one more child when all of hers are on the verge of leaving home, my husband is yearning to grow a grapefruit tree – something he can nurture and take care of, something that will satisfy his primal fatherly need to support life. Funny, he complains enough that our children suck the living finances right out of him. A grapefruit tree is a lot cheaper, I guess.

“We don’t really live in a tropical location,” I said to him.

“Doesn’t matter. We’ll keep it inside in the winter. It can go out in the summer.”

“Once it gets big, you won’t be able to move it around.” Honestly, I have no freakin’ clue how big a grapefruit tree gets. If I can judge based on the size of most other trees, I would say pretty big.

“We’ll figure it out,” he said. And like an expectant father might pat his pregnant wife’s belly, he smiled proudly down at the tin.

And then on Tuesday, he called to me all excited. It had happened – the seedling had emerged, the delicate little leaflets just there, all leafy and everything.

grapefruit treeAll I can say is that my husband had better plan to be the sole caregiver of this new addition. The ficus tree that I bought a few years ago rarely gets watered, it has bugs, and it’s been on the verge of death a few times. I do not want to be responsible for the furthering of anyone’s mental deterioration.


Related Articles:

How To Identify A Male Midlife Crisis (For Women) With Pictures – thanks Wikihow!

The “New” Midlife Crisis And How To Know It’s Coming

Are You Having A Midlife Crisis: Check The 40 Symptoms To Find Out

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  1. February 13, 2014 at 8:27 pm

    She’s a beautiful baby! And, Gabby, what an adorable name. You must be so proud. :P

  2. Honeybee5
    February 13, 2014 at 8:46 pm

    If the grapefruit was a hybrid you won’t know what the final fruit will taste like, most likely not like it’s parents. Also, some grapefruit trees can grow to 30 feet, and it takes anywhere from 6 to 15 years to get any fruit. My guess is, that plant will be dead long before 30ft. and 5 years!! LOL!

    • February 13, 2014 at 9:34 pm

      My guess is that plant isn’t going to last a month LOL.

  3. February 13, 2014 at 11:45 pm

    “Funny, he complains enough that our children suck the living finances right out of him”- yes our children are vampires, as well.

    My husband will sometimes surprise me and he will be home soil and something/seeds and the kids and he will plant. They will water a bit, and some bloomage will go on (like our huge sunflower) and then interest will be lost, and it’ll be a shriveled up dry thing. :)

    • February 14, 2014 at 12:47 am

      I anticipate this little grapefruit plant isn’t long for this world either LOL…

  4. Seb
    February 14, 2014 at 12:59 am

    Is it grown from a graft? If not, unless you live in Florida or California, it has very little chance of surviving, I am afraid.

    • February 14, 2014 at 1:20 am

      My husband wants to know why, Seb? You are destroying his dream, just FYI LOL.

      • Seb
        February 14, 2014 at 1:25 am

        Long story short, citrus varieties are so extensively inbred and crossbred these days that they can only be reliably propagated via grafting. They are the pug dogs of the plant world. Not that you can grow pug dogs by grafting, but they can’t survive in the wild, either.

      • February 14, 2014 at 1:28 am

        I will pass this bit of sad information along. I will also let you know when the thing succumbs… I need to eat some chocolate now, just to brighten my spirits. :( It’s like I’ve lost a favourite sock. Well, not quite.

  5. February 14, 2014 at 4:02 am

    I can’t imagine it will grow to produce,but what the heck! Give it a shot, I say!
    Love this whole idea, story and ending with chocolate. I’d also end with wine. 💙

    • February 14, 2014 at 4:15 am

      Great idea Jo! Thanks for visiting. :)

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